Category: Essays

  • From Doubt to Growth: Can we think differently about Imposter Syndrome?

    From Doubt to Growth: Can we think differently about Imposter Syndrome?

    I originally wrote about the bright side of imposter syndrome a few years ago which has repeated helped me, and after receiving yet another wonderful email from a young woman thanking me for sharing, I revisit and expand on this mindset and perspective some more:

    Feeling like a fraud, or imposter syndrome, is something a lot of us deal with. It’s when you think you’re not as good as everyone else thinks you are. But what if we could see this feeling as something helpful instead of something that holds us back? Let’s break it down into simpler parts and find out how to make the most of these feelings.

    What Is Imposter Syndrome Really About?

    • It Means You Care: If you’re worried about being an imposter, it shows you really want to do well and keep getting better. It’s a sign you’re down-to-earth and always trying to improve.
    • It Keeps You Learning: That nagging feeling is like a reminder that there’s always more to learn out there.

    The Bright Side of Feeling Unsure

    • Keeps You Going: Facing challenges, including feeling like an imposter, can actually make us stronger, just like exercising makes our muscles stronger.
    • Brings Us Closer: Talking about our doubts can help us connect with others who feel the same way, making us feel less alone.

    How to Handle the Hard Parts

    Feeling like an imposter isn’t all sunshine and rainbows; it can be really tough sometimes. Here are some ways to deal with the hard parts:

    • Be Your Own Best Friend: Treat yourself kindly, just like you would with a friend who’s feeling down.
    • Ask How You’re Doing: Getting feedback from others can help clear things up and make you feel better.
    • Break It Down: Tackling big tasks in smaller pieces can make things seem more doable.

    Thinking Differently for a Better Journey

    Changing the way we think about ourselves and our abilities can make a huge difference:

    • Believe in Getting Better: Thinking that we can always improve with practice, rather than believing our abilities are fixed, can help us grow.
    • It’s Okay to Share: Letting people see the real you, doubts and all, can lead to stronger friendships and more support.
    • Focus on the Ride, Not the Destination: Enjoying the process of learning and growing, rather than obsessing over being perfect, makes the journey more fun.

    What Psychology Tells Us

    Understanding a bit about psychology can give us clues on why changing our mindset is helpful:

    • The Dunning-Kruger Effect: This fancy term means that often, people who aren’t that good at something think they’re great, while people who are actually skilled tend to doubt themselves. This shows us that doubting ourselves doesn’t mean we’re not good; it often means we’re more aware and capable than we think.

    Wrapping It Up

    Looking at imposter syndrome in a new light reminds us that it’s a complex issue but also a chance to grow and connect with others. By getting to know it better and changing how we think about it, we can make our journey, both in our personal lives and at work, more fulfilling. Remember, feeling unsure at times is part of being human and trying to get better. It’s not about never doubting ourselves but learning how to move forward with those doubts.

    It’s not about never doubting ourselves but learning how to move forward with those doubts.

  • Leo Gopal on Speaking at #WordFest 2021 on Remote Happiness in tech.

    Leo Gopal on Speaking at #WordFest 2021 on Remote Happiness in tech.

    I am extremely honoured to be amongst a plethora of amazing speakers scheduled for WordFest Live 2021 by A Big Orange Heart (formerly WP&UP). My talk topic is titled:

    Remote Happiness: How to build and keep mental wellness in work and life.


    Update(02 September 2021): Here is the recording of the WordFest Live Session on Remote Happiness:
    Leo Gopal at WordFest Live 2021 Recorded Session on Remote Happiness.

    Disclaimer: Firstly, I am neither an expert on the topic nor have I achieved it to any level of expert. I am a professional learner, and I have probably gotten more things wrong than most on the topic, but If I were to describe the talk, it would be a recovery guide on how to get it right when/before you get it so wrong.

    I am also excited to note that my esteemed and super talented colleague from Codeable HQ, Sir Demo, will be speaking at WordFestLive as well.

    → Check it out and sign up for WordFest Live 2021 if you have not done so yet.

  • The happy dev community: A value-driven manifesto.

    The happy dev community: A value-driven manifesto.

    In the collaborative world, we are in, dev-communities can easily thrive, fail, or merely survive. The best developer and coder communities and projects often create a culture where everyone feels valued and safe both as a newcomer or veteran.

    Here are some core values I believe in creating and sustaining happy developer communities in the long and short term. If anything, we can each aspire towards these are values.

    1. Discrimination limits us:

    All discrimination or exclusionary things: This includes discrimination based on race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, nationality, technology and any other arbitrary exclusion of a group of people.

    2. Boundaries honour us.

    Your comfort levels are not everyone’s comfort levels. Remember that, and if brought to your attention, heed it.

    3. We are our most significant assets.

    None of us was born masters of our trade. Each of us has, at some point, received help along the way. Return that favour when and where you can.

    4. We are resources for the future.

    As an extension of #3, share what you know. Make yourself a resource to help those that come after you.

    5. Respect defines us:

    Treat others better than you wish to be treated and better than you may think they deserve. Make your discussions, criticisms and debates from a position of respectfulness. Ask yourself, is it true? Is it necessary? Is it constructive? Anything less is unacceptable.

    6. Reactions require grace.

    Angry responses are valid, but abusive language and vindictive actions are toxic. When something happens, that offends you, handle it assertively, but be respectful. Escalate reasonably, and try to allow the offender an opportunity to explain themselves and possibly correct the issue.

    7. Opinions are just that: opinions.

    Every one of us, due to our background and upbringing, have varying opinions. That is perfectly acceptable. Remember this: if you respect your own opinions, you should respect the opinions of others.

    8. To err is human.

    You might not intend it, but mistakes do happen and contribute to building experience. Tolerate honest mistakes, and don’t hesitate to apologize if you make one yourself.

  • The WordPress Community, Mental Wellness, and You (WordCamp CT Talk)

    The WordPress Community, Mental Wellness, and You (WordCamp CT Talk)

    Chat with Us

    This is something I have rewatched of myself speaking at WordCamp 2016 in Cape Town – mostly because I needed to listen to my own advice and reposting because I feel many should listen to this as well. This is for everyone.

    Audio: The WordPress Community, Mental Wellness, and You.

    Transcript (auto-generated)

    Goodmorning, everyone.

    So one of the things about public speaking is that you should try not to admit to the audience that you’re quite nervous.

    I am. So one of the main reasons for that is this isn’t showing up at the moment.

    And

    this topic is extremely important. It’s serious. So that’s why I’m glad these guys

    afterwards. And it’s extremely close to me, as well. There are three times so far in my life that indirectly, WordPress has helped me 10 years ago, when WordPress was mostly just a blogging platform, I started blogging about at the time I had a stutter. And I just wanted to put it out there because at the time, writing was the only time I could speak fluently. And other people started talking to me, I had comments, I felt like I had support. And I spoke away my stutter. And that has changed my life. Since then, I wouldn’t be able to do this today had I still had that. And then it became a profession five years later. And that’s what I’m doing now. And the third time that it has changed my life is what I’m going to be talking about today. So it is quite difficult, talking about mental illness, or mental wellness, in a development environment and how this can actually apply to you. So I’m going to try to do that today. And hopefully, we can put it together. So who is this talk actually for mostly, if you are a boss, and have employees or your Freelancer or you have colleagues, or if you’re a human who understands English. So as you can see, this is an array of different mental illnesses that we could have. And this isn’t the complete one. So it has been truncated a bit. So those are the four most common mental health issues in the world. One in four people have one of these issues. So in this room, today, there’s about 70 of you who can completely relate to any one of these. And the rest of you can help the other 70. And that’s pretty much what this talk is going to be about today and how we can help each other how we can help ourselves and essentially give back to the WordPress community.

    So

    the main thing that needs to change, or that hasn’t changed, yes, and which I haven’t seen change much lately, is that Firstly, there’s not much awareness about what mental illness or mental wellness issues actually are. And nobody knows what it actually means. People called people who have it crazy. And that’s what I want to change today, especially in this community. And with the help of everyone here. You guys know how to use WordPress, you can tell your story, you can tell a story of a friend and you can put something online and each one of you can change more lives outside of this room outside of today. And that’s what I really appreciate and like also around the stigma of it. We are a society that when someone breaks their leg, we all run to sign their cost. But if somebody is having a mind or brain issue like any of these, what happens? It’s just as bad and just as complicated and just as difficult for that person than someone who has broken a leg. And I mean, what would you rather say on Facebook one day, considering if you’re on Facebook and you do type everything that happens in your life like some people do. Would you rather say that you can’t get out of bed today because you have a back injury or a back issue. Would you tell the truth sometimes and say I just kind of get out of bed too, because I have depression, and it’s extremely difficult. Which one would you pick? So just to simplify it a lot. This is what happens in the brain of people who are happy in love, anxiety, and depression. And as you can see, there are three main chemicals in your brain that affect these. And those are the levels that happen when you’re feeling these things. So with understanding this, you can also understand or appreciate the fact that when somebody you know, or if you’ve experienced this yourself, tells you snap out of it, or leave it outside when you come into the office. You can’t do that if you have a broken leg, you can’t leave a broken leg outside. So this is a prosthetic.

    This is a question we ask often. And what’s most common reply? I’ve been asked this question 16 times today. I’ve said I’m fine 16 times. Fortunately, I have lived 16 times. WordPress, and how it This is the third thing that I’m going to talk about of how I got me here. And I think the person who actually

    gave me this idea because of how caring they are. And they’re part of the WordPress community, I think he’s actually giving a talk next. He gave me the idea that even as a community like this, even as a community of developers or business owners, or especially as a community of developers and business owners, to be honest, we have a higher risk of having mental health issues than most other professions, as well. So one in four people, regular people, most people have a mental illness to in five people in our profession does. So in terms of the WordPress community, there’s very little you need to actually do to help somebody next to you or to be helped by somebody in your life. And in I came to Cape Town last year, for the first time, and I didn’t know anybody came to WordPress meetups, because that’s my profession. And that has pretty much changed the course of my life since then, the person and what they did I wonder if they here today, his name is Jeffrey Pierce. And all he really did was last year. He just sent me a message saying, Hey, dude, if you ever want to chat about stuff, let me know. I’m around. That was all I needed for that day. And for the week, a year later, he sends another message. Your idea? very philosophical today. And those are two very small things. And that’s less than 20 words. And it is in a span of almost a full year, may 8 2013 and 2015 March. So there’s very little you need to do to help each other out. All we need to do is ask how are you and actually care for reply.

    So because this is extremely personal, I don’t have the other mount mental wellness issues that I could actually talk about, purely and actually mean it. But I have one and I’ll focus on that one for this talk. But that does not make any of the others less important. And also, not everyone has these issues all the time and as intensely, but it doesn’t make a difference when you’re feeling it. So it doesn’t make one mental issue worse than another. They’re all the same. They’re all terrible to have terrible to live with and We all need people around us. So dev pressed.

    Play onwards, obviously. And this is pretty much my story. I have depression. The three Hardest Words I’ve said in a long time.

    And I’ve been aware and living with it for the last 10 years. And it’s not always bad, I have more days than I have terrible days. But for the last seven months, I’ve had more terrible days than okay days. And that last for seven months, and the last time that happened was five, six years ago, and that lasted for a year. So it’s a very difficult thing to go through. And the trouble is, it affects every part of your life, you can’t remove it from yourself, it is yourself. You’re not struggling depression, you have, it’s part of you. You can’t it’s that roommate, you just can’t evict essentially. So it’ll affect your relationships. it’ll affect how you interact with people, you will lose friends, sometimes if they don’t understand, especially if you don’t talk and tell them. And that has been one of the most important things I learned. On average, according to the mental health society, or the worldwide health organization as well, it takes up to 10 years for somebody with a mental health issue, to actually ask for help. And to actually get help, or to actually understand that this is what they have 10 years. And that’s purely because it is one of the most documented issues that we have in, in health and wellness. It’s the leading cause of suicide. Suicide is also one of the leading causes of death for people in our age group, as well. So since it’s the most documented issue that we have, in terms of understanding wellness of a person, is also one of the things we talk about the least. And that needs to change, we need to be able to talk more, we need to be able to open up ourselves to the people around us. We might think that, hey, this isn’t the right community to do. So this is professional. A lot of you here start off professional and you become friends how you get familiar with somebody, or you just understand that this person when he asks how I am, he wanted to know the truth, not that I’m fine. And it’s like an automatic response just to sit here I’m fine. I’m good, great. Having a nice day, how are you? So more people need to speak out. More people who have these issues, need to talk about it, that makes it okay for other people to talk about it. And the more people talking about it, the more awareness is going to be rounded, and the more help we can get. And then the more people more than 11% of the people in this room will have a mental illness of that 11% 80% will go will go misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, or not get help at all. That needs to change 80% of people who has this issue, doesn’t know how to deal with it. I’m not talking about this. I’m talking about any mental health issue. So just start that off. That’s why I’m telling my story. That’s why I said those three words. Because if anyone’s going to start it, and if I’m going to preach it might as well do it. Giving back so a few years ago I think Matt Malin back at work, press wordcamp us spoke about five for the future. So he was talking mostly about giving back in whatever way you can 5% of most of your time, dedicated by putting back into WordPress if you love WordPress if you use it often. If it’s part of your life. Give 5% of your time to Give back and 5% isn’t much, it isn’t much. And Hugh’s talk was an amazing primer for this, because he showed all of the ways that you can currently give back. And I just want to say that there’s one more,

    helping each other as a community. And helping yourself in investing in yourself, for 5%, as well will make a huge difference to the WordPress community. Because you can’t pour from an empty cup essentially. So if you’re running on empty, if you want to give 5%, where you’re going to get it from.

    So my proposition today is that if we want to give back to the WordPress community, if we, as developers, business owners, we need to understand the people around us better, we need to understand ourselves better. And if you are so inclined, help the others that you know about, and help yourself if you care enough about yourself. And sometimes we don’t. So I propose that everyone who wants to today can help out during break, or during the next session. When you ask somebody how they are. Tell the truth. Tell them how you feel. Tell them how you actually are tell them that your morning was crap, but it’s getting better today. So for the future, invest in yourself, then give back. So we’ve all heard of hashtag WP drama. But I want to propose a different one, for this talk. And for today. And if you’re on Twitter, and if you if you socialize, WP hugs, give a virtual hug to somebody or start a trend, at least for the next day or so. And make it more aware to other people in the WordPress community that we are here together for each other by each other. And we can help each other. That’s what we’re here for. We say we’re here for the talks. But we must be here to get to know new people. Right? So if you’re on Twitter, if you have a phone today, I’ll highly recommend. And then now, for example, to do one of these. And let’s see how it goes. communities that thrive, there has been a lot of psychological studies on communities in general. And there are a lot of communities that have less mental wellness issues, less suicide rates, less depression issues. And they found that they are main three things that change that main three things that makes the difference between the lowest rates, and the highest rates of these issues in a community. And it is as a community to have a greater acceptance of failure within it. Sometimes, sometimes in the forums, sometimes when contributing to call, sometimes in person, sometimes with your colleagues. We don’t take failure. But we need to, we need to understand that everybody is going to fail sometimes. And it is the people who failed more often, more quickly, that are actually the ones that are learning the most faster. So the more we realize that, the better. Also a higher role for forgiveness and understanding. Sometimes, especially for example, if somebody has bipolar disorder, I have personal experience with knowing someone like that. And they have difficult days, some days, they’re absolutely amazing and want to give you a hug and talk about anything and talk about life and share with you. Other days. They would hope that you just leave them alone and you probably should. And it is those days that as people who know these people who interact with these people, forgive, don’t take it personally. They’re not doing it because of you. They’re doing it because of themselves and they don’t understand what’s going on. Most of the time, and they may not have the help they need. And you could help them by understanding more by forgiving more by not taking it personally so that the next day when they’re all right, when they not that person, but they remember yesterday, they don’t have to worry about coming to the office and senior and being like, dammit, what did I say yesterday, why was I like that I’m so sorry. We can do a with all of that, by having that. Then a culture system that honors intrinsic value over achievement, sometimes a lot of what you give to the world. In fact, for most of us, a lot of what we give back may not come with achievement points and award points or Achievement unlocked, for example, but we do provide value. Today, I hope that my value here would be that at least one life here today gets changed, I hope and a society and a community that values value over achievement is the third thing that is needed to curb the difference in these rates. This issue at its worst, for anybody who has it can lead to suicide. And this also isn’t something that’s spoken about more, but psychological studies show that if you’re a friend to somebody, if you know somebody who you may be worried about. Just talking about death on mortality, and bringing up thoughts of suicide in a conversation, I don’t know how you can do that, though, actually reduces the rates and risk of suicide in people. So by that logic, just talking about all of this, these issues, will help more people be aware of what they are actually going through. And for them to know that it’s okay not to be okay. And what they have is something that can be helped. And there are people that they can talk to people around them that care. And at its worst suicide is. Well, tomorrow actually, is world Suicide Prevention Day. So this is a good primer for that. And I hope all of you participate in awareness for tomorrow. And at its worst, this is an average statistic for around the world on the five main leading causes of death by age group. As you can see, for the age between 15 and 24. Suicide is the first leading cause of death. Age 25 to 44. Suicide is still the main cause of death, and up till the age of 60. What 64 is still in the top five. It’s the fifth leading cause of death. And we don’t talk about Yes. So today I hope that these are the things we are going to change and we want to change. We need to be okay. As a community as people not just other WordPress people, but your own family, your own friends, the people you meet, we need to be okay with listening to their stories. Caring about their stories. Listening is probably one of the most important things as a human being you can do for other human beings. tell your own story. People open up a lot more when they know that other people are opening up a lot more. So when you tell start time people stuff this time used to be the first I’ve done it today. And they’ll be around so if anyone wants to talk. I’m going to be eating lunch and finally removed stigma.

    We,

    as a society, as a community, and as a profession, don’t talk about this, nearly enough, don’t share about this nearly enough. How many people here if they had an issue, we’ll be comfortable telling their colleagues about it 123 How many of you, if you had this issue would be okay with telling your boss about it.

    That’s a key difference. For people in this room, okay with telling the people that they spent almost eight hours a day with what’s going on in their lives, was the deepest part of what’s happening to them. And that’s an extremely difficult thing to experience, that solitude, of knowing that there’s a whirlwind going on inside your head, that you can do almost nothing about at the moment, and your colleagues and your boss are relying on you to do something is difficult. So for the woman out there, for the men out there, and all of those in between.

    We need to be there for each other, we need to care more. And we need we need each other. We as people need people, you need people, I need people, we need people. And actually should be a mantra

    that say, everybody, I need people. You need people. We need people, we How many of you believe that. So let’s start talking about it. Let’s start removing the stigma around it. And you know, what’s the best outcome that that will do is that some of the people in this room who have or may have contemplated suicide or who are going through these things will get helped. Firstly, those that are not diagnosed, those that don’t know what they’re going through, will be able to understand that they can get help. That’s the other important thing. And most importantly, especially for me is that more people will come forward. So that scientists will have better sample sets of people to work with, and the treatments and the help. That will be available, we’ll improve it, more people have have been speaking about it in the last 45 years, treatments have improved. And there are less people being on the bottom asked and all that kind of stuff. And when we are actually getting help. There are days that are better days, because of the people I work with the people I’m around the friends I have. And as you can tell by what I showed you earlier, just one person over Twitter can change what you can do next. So if you want WP hugs for all. Thank you.

    Does anyone have any questions we can open the floor for farmers for questions.

    Unknown Speaker  29:13  

    I think it’s amazing when you started just going to talk about how WordPress in the fact you’re able to write and sort of tell your story. But what I wanted to know from you and I kind of experienced this with somebody that either committed suicide is what is what is the possible What do you think is the possible negative effect in the fact that things like social media, make it easy to hide will make it easier to hide what’s actually going on? Because and the reason I say that is because this person the day before it happened was life was great. My life was wonderful. It was just it blindsided everybody.

    Leo Gopal  29:48  

    The biggest thing that happens when somebody commits suicide that we know is that everyone around them is surprised. He was always so happy. Yes. Data is fine. Today is not here. Social media for this does affect it a lot. We all share on social media, the highlight reels of our life, not actually what’s going on. We don’t share the truth, we only share the good stuff, or dinner. And people who are suffering from this, look at that. Everyone else that I’m friends with is having an amazing life. And I’m not because they judging their full life by your highlight reel. And we need to change that too.

    Unknown Speaker  30:55  

    Today, and especially as a man’s community, it’s not spoken about at all. And as a woman that post Natal depression, I think we get a lot of help as women in this society that we’re in, but for Madison.

    Leo Gopal  31:15  

    Thank you. Congratulations on being a mom.

    Cool. Any other questions were there.

    And if you just want to ask me in private, I’m around as well. Awesome. Thank you one more round of applause.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

  • On Kindness

    On Kindness

    Contemplation of ‘Why?’ we learn, adhere to, and behave in certain ways has always intrigued me – one such question is:

    “Why do we find it necessary to be kind?”

    One of the many tediously bland, and reasonless, lessons we are taught by adults when we are kids is the importance of having manners, using the magic words (please, and thank you), and ultimately to be “nice” and “kind” as a person and to others.

    We accept this lesson and abide by its mechanics of superficial social normalcy and grow to be adults who are simply swifter and more versed in the platitudes of gratitude than our younger-former selves.

    But, why is kindness important? Why is it so necessary?

    I do not have the answer, but consider this:

    Consider the idea of a world in which others were not kind; it would come with revelations we so desperately endeavored to disallow ourselves the simple awareness that we are deeply sensitive to our unconvinced legitimacy for existing. The alarming sensitivity to our own value, our worth, our claims to happiness and love, our own goodness and our uncomprehending deservedness of attention, acknowledgment, and our ultimate fate and legacy.

    We are taught kindness not for others but with the hope of its return to us. We despair for the validation against our own self-loathing through the tiniest of gestures that we are bestowed, like a smile, a door held open, anything to convince us against our inner pains and battles of questioning our worthiness to continue.

    Kindness being traded as a currency from which we purchase little plots of emotional survival. After all, if there is no one around to see our shattering hearts, does it make a sound?

    Once we learn the value and power kindness bestows upon us – the ability to be the savior of another from their own self-contempt – the kinder we become through the desperate need of others to be kind to us.

    As we grow in our understanding of self-knowledge, we do not cling to social norms and manners as a cause for a kinder world but do so through the awareness of the existence of the duality of this world – if it’s not kindness, we are left with cruelty, or worse; indifference.

    We grow kinder through our pain and our acute desperation for it to end and ultimately, our desirous craving of some evidence of our right to exist.

    Be kind.

  • In Praise of short-term love

    In Praise of short-term love

    Nothing lasts forever, and never has forever had such a short life span as in love and relationships.

    It was probably the French-Swiss film director, Jean-Luc Godard, who said it best:

    “A story should have a beginning, a middle and an end, but not necessarily in that order.”

    (more…)

  • In Praise of Melancholy

    In Praise of Melancholy

    As a species and a society, we have grown to over romanticize and popularize happiness and have exiled all feelings of the contrary to the unpopular and unwanted crevices of human emotion.

    We strive only to increase those things that make us happy or that bring happiness to us, and at the slightest surfacing of alternate emotions we do everything we possibly can to “cheer” ourselves up and those around us. We forcibly excise sadness and inflate happiness.

    We forget, or at least we do not realize, that what makes us complete individuals is our ability to access the full spectrum of human experience as well as the whole psycho-emotional range – low and high – enabling us to create rich, multi-dimensional, and meaningful lives. (more…)

  • My Talk on Mental Wellness at WordCamp Cape Town 2016

    My Talk on Mental Wellness at WordCamp Cape Town 2016

    At WordCamp Cape Town this year, I gave talk on Mental Wellness, the WordPress Community, and You. An unusual talk for a tech conference, but one which needed to be spoken about – and I had no idea how it would go down.


    Watch on WordPress.tv

    https://twitter.com/maxbarners/status/774164897810657280

    Summary:

    The main point of this talk was to raise awareness at the intensity, the struggle, and the seriousness of various Mental Wellness issues within our current space.

    To raise the awareness of Employers who have Employees with issues, for Employees to understand their colleagues and employers better, for people to change the way they think about mental health in general.

    To remove the stigma that mental wellness issues have, especially in the working environment, and even more so in our daily lives for those who live with it.

    During my talk, I told my story. Maybe one day I will talk about it more here, but here are the main points I touched on:

    • We have too many people living in our midst who need help, but do not get it, and who are too afraid by the stigma to seek it and talk out.
    • I was one of them, I said the three hardest words during my talk: I have depression.
    • As a society, when someone breaks their arm, we run to sign their casts, but when someone has a mental issue we run the other way. We are okay with any body part breaking down, except our brains, our minds. This needs to change.
    • When you have a broken leg, you cannot leave it outside the office doors when you walk in in the morning – why do we expect this too of people who have mental health issues?
    • People should be as okay with speaking to someone on a regular basis, like a therapist, life coach, psychologist or psychiatrist. We should have subscriptions to these just as we have gyms subscriptions for our physical wellness.
    • Employers need to be more open and understanding, currently we are very far away from this.
    • Employees need to be more open with helping themselves, and seeking the help they need, or being supportive of their peers who need it.
    • We all need to be more open and understanding of the current state of Mental Wellness in the world.
    • When we ask people “How are you?” we need to starting caring about their truthful reply. When we are asked “How are you?” we need to start being more open and brave to give an honest reply. On the day of WordCamp, before my talk, I was asked sixteen times how I was, I lied sixteen times.
    • Started the WordPress Hashtag called #WPHugs, a way of sharing, appreciating and caring within the community.
    • I need you, you need us, we need each other. People need people.
    • When someone has an issue, in my case depression, people believe that its simply because of the things going on in their lives that are not going well. This is often furthest from the truth. In my case, life was at its best and I was depressed, absent, and in that time I started losing hold of life: Been through break-ups, losing friends, losing a home, feeling more hopeless, work performance dropped, and not being able to have any say or control of any of it. Those around me thought I was depressed, because these things happened. No, because I was depressed these things happened.
    • Depression is something that we know to be so common, yet know and speak the least about, as with all mental wellness issues. Its time this ended, I began the end of silence by telling the world my story, maybe you would be brave enough to tell yours? Or open enough to listen to anothers?
    • As an open source community that relies on the work of the people behind the scenes that make this possible, we need to also spread the idea of 5 for the future for ourselves, you cannot pour from an empty cup so before giving back, start giving within.
    • Stop the Silence, Remove the Stigma, Care.

    After my talk, so many people opened their hearts out to me and for that I am extremely grateful. I was more than surprised at how well this was received and about how many people had been suffering in silence and are now brave enough to speak out.

    Cory Miller, a very brave man told his story which inspired me to tell mine, will you tell yours? You can leave a comment or send me a link (Totally open to coffee too.)

  • Surviving Suicide: Replying to my own suicide note.

    Surviving Suicide: Replying to my own suicide note.

    A few years ago, I tried to kill myself (Don’t worry, that is far behind me now). (more…)

  • 2015 Year in Review

    2015 Year in Review

    This has been quite the year: I moved cities, spoke at some major events, started out in a fairly new industry, survived, had many ‘firsts’ and successes, as well as a lot of failures too. (more…)